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- Do I Have the Right to Say Goodbye?
Yesterday, while we were preparing for a huge blizzard that was about to hit Connecticut later that day, my phone rang. It was my new cousin *Claire. I found myself tangled up in some cords I was setting up to charge my two iPads and my laptop in case we lost power, and I missed… - The Questions I Can Never Ask
I recently found a photo of my bio grandmother’s sister, Sadie, on Ancestry. I’d never seen her face before. As I looked at it, I realized some doors will always be closed in this *NPE journey. There are questions I can never ask, stories I will never know, and faces of family I’ll never see…. - Speaking Different Languages
For me, sometimes it feels like I am living in multiple worlds since my NPE* discovery. How differently I share my DNA discovery truth with people is almost like I’m speaking in different languages to each of them. Without realizing it, I self-censor each time I talk about this. When I wrote my letter to… - Inheriting a Stranger
Since I began wearing makeup when I was about 15 years old, I was never the kind of girl who sat in front of the mirror for any length of time. I didn’t really even know much about putting on makeup. And since there were no YouTube tutorials back in 1980 to watch, I would… - Seeing the other side of things
I saw my new biological sister, Donna*, at the Post Office a few months ago. I saw her again a few weeks ago at a program held in the same building where I work. The reality is, she and I live in the same small community. And we will continue to see each other, I’m… - Defending and Explaining in the Same Breath
The letter I wrote to my new bio sister was brief, simple and sincere. I knew I was the innocent outcome of a decision made by my mother and her (our) father. But every single NPE* letter I’ve read like this has the between-the-lines message that we are low-key apologizing for existing. It’s so… - Outing Myself Unexpectedly
People ask me what changed my mind about reaching out to my half siblings to share that I discovered their father was also my father. The answer is that I basically backed myself into a corner and didn’t feel I had any other option. I’ve been chasing my biological identity since I made my… - What Happens Now?
What happens when the proverbial dust has settled on an NPE* discovery? The quick answer is that you live with it. We can all agree what was done to us was unfair. But unfortunately, it’s done. I don’t like that answer, but it is true. You don’t have to “accept” it, you can be… - Cousin Kate
This is my NPE story of discovering in 2015 that my Dad was not my biological Dad. If you’d like to follow along, I encourage you to start at my first post of the series HERE. “Hello Kate, It looks like we are an estimated 2nd—3rd cousin match on our paternal lines. Would you be… - A New Medical History
I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday with a new eye doctor. I was nervous. He is a specialist. Nine years ago, at age 50, when I discovered my Dad who raised me was not my biological father, one of the realities that struck me was that half the health history I had been sharing… - Saying it out loud
“I fully expect you to say no,” my fellow *NPE friend Bill Griffeth wrote to me in a Twitter message in the fall of 2018. What he expected me to say no to was being interviewed about my NPE story. He knew what an introvert I was. But he knew from his own experience… - Losing a Tree
For several years after I found out I wasn’t my Dad’s biological daughter, I couldn’t even look at his tree anymore. It was literally a full stop. Seeing all the people I thought I came from genuinely hurt my heart. It was like breaking up with someone you love. I started doing genealogy when I… - Three things to never say to an NPE
This is my NPE story of discovering in 2015 that my Dad was not my biological Dad. If you’d like to follow along, I encourage you to start at my first post of the series HERE. When people hear my story, they all react differently. There is sympathy, most definitely. There is shock, especially if… - My New Biological Siblings
I’m asked, “What has actually changed since my DNA discovery?” Do you mean besides the whole “losing my entire identity” thing? Well, here’s one at the top of my list. I have no full siblings anymore. It’s profound, and it’s sad for me. It’s a feeling of loss that I can’t put into words. I… - Telling my Brothers and Sisters
After my mother died, I didn’t have to keep my DNA discovery secret from my brothers and sisters any longer. The thought of telling them they were Dad’s biological kids, but I wasn’t, made me so scared that it made me physically sick. Scared was a new feeling in this discovery. I also cried a… - Being Good or Being Perfect?
The other day, I listened to a podcast about *NPEs. The woman being interviewed said she started her own podcast because she wanted to take away her mom’s shame. This hit hard for me. Since I’ve gone public with my story, I’ve had this underlying defensive feeling that I haven’t been able to put my finger… - Telling the Girls
I knew that eventually, I had to tell our girls about my DNA discovery. This was about their DNA, too. I had made the decision not to tell my siblings until after my mother had passed away, but I felt the longer I waited to tell the girls, it would be no different than… - The Acceptance of Not Learning More
I wish I could tell you that now that the ice was broken with Mom about who my biological father was, that she opened up and shared countless stories about *Joe. But she didn’t. The simple fact was Mom was embarrassed, and frankly, she didn’t want to talk about it ever again. She didn’t ask… - Mom and Dad’s marriage
I don’t remember my parents being married or acting like a married couple. But I didn’t understand they were divorced, either. No one told me, thinking I was too young to understand. One of the earliest memories I have, though, is of Dad sleeping downstairs in our family room. I was about five years old…. - Mom’s secret is revealed
“I wasn’t ever going to tell you.” Those were Mom’s first words after I sat down with her and told her what I knew. Her words stung. It was the only time I could remember having a flash of anger towards her. Really?? One year, ten months, and six days after I sat in my… - The little shopping cart
In 1996, I was a full-time stay-at-home Mom to our three young daughters, all under 6. I turned 31 years old that year. Fred and I were married in 1988, and we bought a house in the same town where we both grew up. We hadn’t planned it that way, but we just really loved… - The Stranger who Became a Friend
It was September 15, 2016. Eighteen months since I discovered my Dad wasn’t my Dad. I still hadn’t told anyone my secret, not even my husband. I know that sounds crazy. I hadn’t confronted my mother with my discovery yet, either. Looking back, I know there’s a term for how I wasn’t dealing with it…. - Working it Out
Surprisingly, I wasn’t anxious to find out who my biological father was because, with every passing day, I felt in my gut that I already knew who it was. I was bouncing all around through those stages of grief, and depression was a big one now. Long-forgotten memories started to slowly become conscious ones. When… - Meet My Mom
After discovering I was an NPE, I wanted to look at my mother’s life. I wanted to understand her more. My mother hated the name Martha Lee. She lived her life avoiding it whenever she could. I remember my grandmother sometimes calling her M.L. Mom felt M.L. was much better than the grating “Maaatha Lee”… - Facing Denial
I’m sure you don’t need three guesses to guess what the DNA results were to my youngest brother. His results came a few weeks after I compared with my sisters. Of course, he was a full sibling to my other brother and to my sisters. Which meant, of course, he was only a half-sibling with… - Stages of Grief Journey: Denial Part 2
I was checking the 23andMe website three or four times a day. The first results that came in were for my oldest sister. She is twelve years older than me. I decided to wait for my other sister’s results to come in so that I could look at them together. Hers came just a few… - Stages of Grief Journey: Denial Part 1
I think of those 18 months I kept this crushing secret entirely to myself as a period of complete denial fueled by panic. Besides being a world champion in compartmentalizing, I am also a master multi-tasker, so my life went on doing my routine tasks. You didn’t find me curled up in my bed, hiding…
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